Unfinished

You know when something feels unfinished? As if there was “more” to a relationship ending — some unsaid last chapter that never quite made it to see daylight? It’s tension — one way or both, it doesn’t matter. Like two particles reacting to each other; intimately connected no matter how great a distance apart. Quantum…
Read more

Random Thoughts

A past lover once said to me that I would never find anyone as BIG as him, as if it’d be my last rodeo. It was an egotistically dick thing to say. Nevertheless, I knew he was wrong. My first boyfriend was bigger than him, and I’d find someone bigger; it didn’t necessarily have to…
Read more

The Broken Record

There are some people that just don’t get it. Who will end up repeating again and again, like a broken record. They may even start to say the same damn phrases again and again, like a broken record. Their level of evolution stunted in victim mentality mode. Ignore those people. Live your life in the…
Read more

This. Too. Shall. Pass.

As I write this at 2:30am, I hear a loud dispute of a woman screaming and 3 loud bangs that makes me question her safety or sanity, snapping me out of my own silent tearful tirade, reminding myself that I am blessed. It could be worse. This. Too. Shall. Pass. But right now, my heart…
Read more

Two Stories

I went back to the high desert land of tumbleweeds and sage for the first time in 7 years. It holds nostalgic memories for me. One of anxiety, pain, destruction and rebirth. Ultimately, a land where I do not belong. You can see it in the way that I count 0 minorities–Asians, African Americans, or…
Read more

XX

I am curious about exes. That’s the nature of someone you’ve shared life with for X amount of months or years. I check up on them. I wonder if they’re doing well. I want to know that they are, and I’m happy for their successes, or I want to know that they aren’t and feel…
Read more

50 Shades of Kay

“I like being scratched,” he said. “Fingernails.” I noted his sexual turn-ons as we talked over drinks. “I like being choked.” I replied. “Nothing too hard,” I assured, nervously. “Just enough to feel some tension. I still would like to breathe!” “My girlfriend doesn’t like that. Such a shame. I know exactly what to do.”…
Read more

Finding my Ish

I’m monogamish. I still haven’t figured out what the Ish part means yet, or what that looks like. I need to expand my social network. I go through spouts of outgoing social energy and active spring/summer and long cooped-up days of hibernating fall/winter. Being in a new relationship doesn’t help any when it comes to…
Read more

I Dream of Him

I still dream about my ex sometimes. The Ex. It happens rarely but the point is it happens. Of course, I have many ‘exes’ but when I say the Ex, I mean the only “love of my life” that I thought I’d be with Forever. Back when love was innocent and I could fall for…
Read more

Sex, Love and Relationships

I’m so adamant about being solo, even when I was in a three-year relationship, I still thought of myself as more like a ‘crazy cat lady’, solo girl than someone who was attached. I was simply playing a role that bored me to tears. Beyond that role, I was happy, so there was nothing “wrong”…
Read more