Finding my Ish

I’m monogamish. I still haven’t figured out what the Ish part means yet, or what that looks like.

I need to expand my social network. I go through spouts of outgoing social energy and active spring/summer and long cooped-up days of hibernating fall/winter. Being in a new relationship doesn’t help any when it comes to staying in, because that’s all we do together. “Netflix and chill” and some 420 magic. Ever since I lived somewhere where weed is now currently legal recreationally, I’ve been doing it more regularly and having sex recreationally (as that’s the only sex I’ll ever have, because procreation isn’t my current ideal) with one man. Monogamous.

My network has very little alt relationship/kink focus in it and I want that to change, albeit if only to further my new side gig as a corset connoisseur. I had tea with a like-minded non-monogamous woman. Maybe we’ll be ish together. Maybe we won’t. Probably we won’t. In any event, it will be really good and nourishing for me to talk about my ish with other people who are into it and “get it”.

Dare I say, I’ve got an “Ish” to scratch.

Stupid, bad joke.

Being non-monogamous feels like a fantasy. Something we talk about and both want. Threesomes! Partner swaps! Webcam!

As I’ve found out with other fantasies, sometimes the reality is far less sexy.

Would non-monogamy be the same? I’m not sure. But experience tells me yes.

My ish is small. I don’t think I’m actually “alt/kink” nor do I think I’m “monogamous”, or even “polyamorous”. I vacillate in between labels and titles.

My ish explores sexuality with other people. With voyeurs. With role play.

Sex is a natural thing. We are one of the only species who have sex recreationally.

Sex, and especially touch in general, is an important part of a relationship’s well being. Without it it’s like a flower with no sun. This is also why long distance relationships rarely work.

I’ve turned my ex-swinger boyfriend monogamous. But he sincerely wants to be monogamous with me. His last relationship fell apart when it was “open” and he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes.

Some part of me has always been curious about “open” relationships or at least naked parties, threesomes, and swinging, but another part of me feels satisfaction knowing that my once swinger boyfriend wants to be with only me. I am enough. No one has ever cheated on me and no one ever will.

My ish may be in hiding, dormant, or inactive but I’m ok with that. I don’t feel repressed, held-back or complacent. I am absolutely free.

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