When I started this “blog” I had no clue where I was going. All I knew is that I needed to express. Sometimes, that’s all you need. Vision and “knowing where you’re going” is sometimes overrated. Sometimes, all you need to do is express yourself. That is the measure of a true artist. Not goals and metrics and analytics and a nod towards business plans and monetization.
I must admit, I wanted to monetize this somehow, but as it stands, it’s nothing but a digital rough draft. A brainstorming session of my mind. A place to be empowered and feel empowered and take my power until I can move on and extend into something else. Related. But still something else.
A place where I could write without judgment. Without censorship. Regardless if my ex or two or three or extensions there of read this. Regardless, you just have to write.
I’m a memoirist. I’ve always been. Even when my skin crawls with shame and embarrassment. Anais Nïn, in her love affairs, and Frida Kahlo, in her dynamic self portraits and tumultuous marriage, inspire me to create in my feminine. In the documentation of who I am.
The soft “vision” for this blog, if there ever was one, was to create erotica novellas and self-publish them on Kindle under my pen name; creating a repository of my Floreta “brand” separate from my “professional” brand. I’ve kept this blog so hidden, ashamed and awkward towards what it represents, that I realize I must once again break free of the pen name and embrace that SEX and love ARE a part of my brand, and that I must marry it with my professional site in order to truly show up and serve how I want to and NEED to.
I wrote about the unreliable partner. How ashamed I was of my financial debt. How I felt I needed to “hold back” on sex and love until I was debt free. How essentially undeserving I was of love.
I realized soon after, or maybe my hormones did for me, that that was a stupid idea.
Why place a “hold” on your life–any part of it–because of a little debt, or perceived “imperfection”. Why wait for “perfect”? Why wait for when you’re “ready” and just let yourself go when you’re READY? Why hold yourself back and limit yourself from experience? Why punish yourself for past decisions, or for anything from the past for that matter?
Debt does not define you. It sure as hell will not define me. Depriving myself of sex, and at it’s core, love, because I thought I needed to pay off my debt was depriving myself of a very human and very natural need that I, as a highly sexual human being, can’t really live without.
So, I broke up with debt. Let go. No longer allowed it to grip me with fear. Fear of moving forward. I began to relax into my “money problems” and just stop worrying.
The result was more sex, more love, and a whole lot of money.
Money comes when you come, hon. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I’m in the best relationship of my life. I went from wondering and worrying if I’d make past $1,000/month in my business to making $5,000/month in less than a year. The moment I started seeing him and enjoying our romps, money started flowing easier to me. Now I’m ready for more. Instead of depriving myself, I’m allowing myself to get more. What a novel idea.
The next phase in my vision is more love. More rhetoric around self-love, embodiment, owning your sensual story, and owning your business. It’s a love affair with words. It’s digital storytelling with a slight dominatrix flair. Open up your heart to your desires. I’m not quite sure how it will mesh together quite yet but all I know is that I HAVE to bring in my sexual + sensual side in order for my business to sky rocket. Not because “sex sells”, although admittedly, it does. But because to deny myself of this self-expression is to deny myself a part of me. To integrate everything in my own being and becoming, even sex, is the engine that will get me to new heights in my business. I am love, and I am ready.
Sexuality + spirituality is deeply linked. And so it is with sacred, conscious business. My digital rough draft has served its purpose, and now it’s time to truly shine beyond the veil.