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I am curious about exes.

That’s the nature of someone you’ve shared life with for X amount of months or years. I check up on them. I wonder if they’re doing well. I want to know that they are, and I’m happy for their successes, or I want to know that they aren’t and feel a sick sense of validation that “success is the greatest form of revenge”, and that I’m the one who came out on top. Hashtag winning. I can get competitive by exes, now a mere figment of my imagination. Ghosts of the mind. I like to keep it that way.

I block them. I block them when they say they could fuck me again after they use their pick-up artist techniques they’ve been learning. The sheer douchebaggery of thinking they could ever fuck me again after reading about The Game got me reeling, telling him to never contact me again (thus proving him wrong).

I block them. I block them when they share a wall of text for 3+ years on Facebook messenger that I never respond to. Then make up some pitiful attempt at guilt tripping me into contact, which is not my problem to fix.

I block them when they don’t pay me for work (because sex is totally a currency, right?), brag about making $20,000/month and then ask me to loan them $10 for a Paypal transaction.

I block them. I will never contact them. I like to keep it that way.

Sometimes lovers are different. You want to keep them in better standing, because you never went through the formal process of boyfriend/girlfriend and realized you didn’t want to be with them long term. I am still, after all, under the typical monogamous structure that relationships should “go somewhere”. There are times when I’ve had relationships, informal or not, that haven’t gone anywhere, and didn’t need to. Travel relationships are often like this. Some of the most sweetest and pure relationships I have had were travel relationships because they never reach this ultimate dénouement. But travel relationships aren’t meant to “go anywhere” because you just go your separate paths.

I will always be curious about people in my past but there’s something about someone you’ve shared intimacy with that makes it different.

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